For the past two years, I feel like I’ve been emotionally disconnected from myself. In real life, I’ve been going through a lot. I thought losing papa was the worst thing ever but, then I lost Pluto months after that, and Yae months after that, and Tooley months after that, and yesterday I found out about aunt Frankie. In real life, my heart hasn’t gotten a break…it’s so tired. I sat with anger for a long time, until I found out her real name was grief. Going through the motions on a daily basis, I felt alone often…even when surround by those that love me the most. In real life, I’ve been suffering in silence. Being a nurse in the middle of a pandemic didn’t help, I worked on the front lines for over a year. I lost patients whom I was sure would make it, and saved patients who I counted out myself. In real life, I was a part of history that I hope to live to tell my children’s children. My heart has been broken into a million pieces. In real life, I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel. Sometimes the pain is unbearable when I breathe. In real life, I found out the true meaning of panic attacks. For the past two years, I feel like I’ve been emotionally disconnected from myself. In real life, I’m doing everything in my power to shake this shit off.
“These days I only want people around me who love me out loud, in my face and behind my back”
If you know me, you know that…
28. Lately I’ve been seeing better day, I found someone who make me whole.
See you at the top boo!